My Shift Recognized

“You are what you love, not what loves you…”  ~Kyle Cease

My shift started 12 years ago.  I didn’t realize that inner peace and happiness were going to be the outcome.

I read Eckart Tollé, A New Earth.  In that teaching I began to understand that I’m responsible for all that I experience.

It didn’t happen overnight. I was searching for connection and acceptance at first.  I started a couple blogs that turned out to be for me.  I thought I was going to change the world with how I wanted things to be.

First was  I wanted people on the street and in their cars to wave at each other and connect.  Turns out I wanted them to wave at ME.  Long story short, I was the one not waving or connecting or even looking at people!  I shifted from wanting others to change to fit my wants to ME changing to fit MY wants.  I took responsibility for my experience.

Next was  I wanted people to drive nicer!  While it was a noble want, once again it was ME that needed to change.  This one was one of the bigger turning points for the rest of life because it taught me to give. Instead of “taking” my personal driving space around me, I “gave” it to others.  “I” was the one that needed to Drive With Heart.  I took responsibility for my experience.

Are you seeing the shift?  Instead of wanting others around me to change, I did the changing. Instead of blaming others for what I didn’t like,  I took responsibility for my experience.

Now the shift is honing in on more and more experiences. My language is changing.  Instead of saying “I have a daughter”, I’m saying “I’m a father”.  Instead of saying “I miss you”, I say “I’m looking forward to seeing you again”. I’m stating what “I” am not what I want “you” to be.

The suffering was in that resistance to wanting you to change to fit my perfect view.  In writing this the way I am, I’m trying to share MY experience and give you the guidance to find your “self”.  I’ve been to the place of being the victim.  How things were always happening TO me.  This shift was how I got out of the mindset that everybody else was cold and not waving at me, cutting me off in traffic and ruining my day. This is to show you that the other side of victim is not only possible, but necessary.  Necessary to live peacefully and happy.

It’s a 180 degree shift to get here.  It’s a shift from you to me.  From making it happen to be-ing.

The “results” are the “out”.  The “you” is the “in”.

When I work on the “me”, I’m working from in to out.

When I work on the “results”, I’m working from out to in.  In other words, I’m trying to make the out change to make me happy, which is way harder than changing me and accepting what I can’t change “out there”.

If you’re trying to change your husband to be what’s in your head of what the best husband should be, you drive him crazy and you’ll create plenty of suffering for yourself.  If you accept what he is for what he is instead of what he’s not, your suffering goes away.  Your attitude changes.  He might see these changes in you and feel more himself.  His self might be more happy.  You might like to see him more happy.

If you’re trying to change your kid to be what the best kid you think they should be…
If you’re trying to change your whatever…